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Carlo's Table


One team in the Dallas area took to yelling "EPP!"  (Say it yourself, now.  Say it loud.)  Other teams would slap-five, high-five, say "Nice out" or do a thumbs up.  Not these clowns.  Sometimes on every ball.

Now the team is a bunch of nice guys, fun, good shooters, and strictly out for an evening of pool playing.  But this EPPing was getting on everyone's nerves.  As any good pool players would do, once they knew it got on your nerves it became a permanent fixture.

I took it upon myself to write this letter to the Captain of the EPPing team, fabricating it as if it came from Randy, the League Director.  Some names have been changed to protect the guilty. 

I was honest enough to send a copy to Randy, too, but I am not sure I put a return address or marked it Carlo.  Oh, well, just an oversight on my part.

Heh, heh!  I got him, hook line and sinker!


 Friday, September 22, 1995

 Mr. Player - Captain

Six Shooters Pool Team

12345 Ave. K

Somewhere, Texas

 RE: BCA Regulation Adjustment

 Dear Mister Player,

    We still have one piece of unfinished business. 

   I have recently polled a majority of the BCA Executive Committee and we have agreed with Randy regarding Carlo's request and we have amended our regulations for the 95-96 8-Ball league. 

   We have forwarded the regulation change to the BCA for inclusion in the rules in time for the 1996 Nationals in Las Vegas next May.

   As per unanimous vote of the polled Executive Committee Carlo is given permission to choke the living shit out of ‘Epp’-ing members of your team, relatives, or even innocent bystanders within his reach.  We did not attempt to define “living shit” leaving that up to Carlo rather than confront Carlo about what entails "living shit" for he might demonstrate on us.

   I, personally, would worry about that man, Carlo.  I believe that he is a dangerous individual prone to violent outbursts, carries a grudge, and was beaten and locked in a closet for much of his youth. 

   We only passed this unusual legislation because of his reputation and we are afraid that he would have reoriented his hostilities towards me or my family if we didn’t let him have his way. 

John Lewis at BCA central had already heard of Carlo and similarly decided to throw the Six Shooters Team to that evil wolf, Carlo, rather than cross him and face his insane wrath.

   I wouldn’t worry about it too much, though.  We feel that he will probably commit some other offense, get caught, and be sent up before he gets to you. 

Watch the 10:00 o’clock news, he is sure to show up there before long.  His preferred weapon is a wallboard saw that he keeps taped to his ankle.  If he says "Wait a minute, I need to tie my shoe." I suggest you run like hell.

Take care, and watch you back.

Break and Run,


League Director


Nobody paid me any money to put these links here, I just thought they deserved it.  Tell them Carlo sent you, maybe they'll buy me a beer.

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